Identifying How “People Pleasing” Effects Your Life

The following is an excerpt from Dr. Joy Martina’s 2018 Amazon bestseller: How to Use Your Intuition to Change your Life. You can purchase the book here.

Most of us have been conditioned to believe that we need to please others before we’re allowed to please ourselves. This is especially true for girls and women, although most men have been instilled with this belief to one degree or another as well.

Cultural conditioning reinforces odd notions in our brains: it’s better to give than receive…  It’s better to blend in than to stand out…or else! And that finger-wagging “or else!” translates into many different perceived threats which translate into a swirl of irrational fears. We fear being judged by others. If we don’t give someone else what they need we may be abandoned, ridiculed, shamed, guilt tripped, called selfish etc. If we don’t jump through our bosses hoops, we may get fired or not promoted. If we don’t look a certain way, say the right things, wear certain clothes (the list goes on and on) we may not be accepted or even get rejected. We fear we won’t be liked if we say what we really mean. In our closest relationships, we often relinquish our real wants and needs to meet the wants and needs of the other person so as not to risk losing their love.

Meanwhile, your very DNA mandates that you maintain relationships with the important people in your world no matter what. Humans are tribal by nature, after all. We can’t actually “go it alone. ” We need our “tribe” to survive. We rank the needs and wants of others above our own. We make what’s going on out there with other people the priority and brush aside what’s going on inside. We essentially tell our inner selves, our intuitive side, “I don’t care about what you say. I need them to love and approve of me… that’s all that counts.”

I’m exaggerating to make a point here, but only a little bit. In reality, for many of us, this “better to give than receive” notion becomes a mandate that operates below the threshold of thought. It’s a subtle mind game we play with ourselves. Subtle, but often all-pervasive because it turns into a habitual way of being.  

In my case, the habit of “people pleasing” bent my world completely out of shape.

Tap into your highest wisdom and rediscover your INTUITION by grabbing your copy of How to Use Your Intuition to Change Your Life here.