Let’s get real about self-love…
The relationship you have with yourself is the most important relationship in your life… it’s the foundation for all the other relationships you have in your life.
“It only takes one person to change your life… YOU.” ~ Ruth Casey
First, I, Dr. Joy, shared my very personal journey with self-love…
FLY – First Love Yourself TALK AT THE BALI GREEN SCHOOL by Dr. Joy Martina:
Believe it or not…
I am an absolute master in self-hate. I kid you not, I spent years hating myself. Hating my character, hating my body, hating basically everything about myself…. but here I was called “Joy.”
I was the opposite of my name. I might have seemed very happy on the outside… but this was because I was always very concerned to be a “good girl”… well behaved… to please my parents… and to do everything “right”.
My parents would say, “you were like a little sunshine. You were always so happy and joyful”… but inside I felt really depressed, frustrated and angry. I had the feeling that there was something severely wrong with me because I had no real reason to feel that way because there was nothing wrong with my life….
My life was good.
It took me about 30 years to figure out that maybe I needed to really love myself first before I could start to really feel happiness and joy in my life.
… I have seen that when I start working with children from a young age, which I have the utmost privilege to do, their lives don’t have to become that miserable.
I believe that when we teach our children the healthy form of self-confidence and we teach our children the necessity of having to love ourselves, accept the way we are, and learn to focus on the gifts that we have to share with this world….. we could prevent a lot of diseases.
We could prevent many of the sad things that are happening on this planet, not only in society, but it reflects how WE treat other people as well, doesn’t it?
If we don’t know how to love ourselves then how in the world are we going to know how to love anybody else?
And although we read this so often we have found that we all have some real blocks, conditioning, and programming that is given to us by so many outside influences, including society, religion, or our family.
WE GET TWO MESSAGES:
Often it’s very well meaning people that give us two messages.
- On the one side, we are told that we should serve and we should be there for other people… be kind… help others … and be that #1 people pleaser.
- While on the other side… we are told that we have to love ourselves.
Often, the two don’t go together.
We do things for others in order to be a good person, but often that means that we are going against ourselves and our needs.
We get caught up in this vicious cycle of being frustrated because we aren’t feeling appreciated by our surroundings… feeling deep down that our surroundings can’t see what good we are doing.
I mean how many marriages and relationships fall apart because the two parts are not really helping themselves? They are caught up trying to help each other and it’s chaos in the end…
THE FIRST STEP IN EVERY JOURNEY:
Once we recognize that SELF-LOVE should be the very first step in our journey, we discover that this is something we can teach to not only three-year-old kids but also to 100-year-old ladies and gentleman.
When we are able to realize that LOVE does come from us first then everything else can fall into place and our lives truly become more JOYOUS.
So today I can say, Yes I am JOY!
Rediscover YOUR Innate JOY Life In Life:
Yes, self-love takes practice but this will make it MUCH easier.
LET’S GO DEEPER NOW with Dr. Roy:
So let’s say your mom or a family member asks you to do an errand for her, and at this particular time you are not feeling that well… you think…
“What should I do now?”
In one way you want to help your family because this is important… On the other hand, you think, “but I’m not feeling good… how do I take care of myself, too?” Do you resonate with this inner conflict?
One part of you says “I better do what my family member needs to make her happy… I’ll go heal later.”
Or if you are like many parents… too many times, we will completely deny our own needs so we can put our children’s needs first. But this way of behaving can leave us tired, burnt out and not truly present.
It’s like choosing between two pains:
- Inflicting self-pain… or….
- The perceived pain you “think” will be inflicted on others.
Then the other side of the equation is where you feel bad if someone says “no” to you.
So we have two sides of the conflict.
- One side is to be rejected, which can be painful…
- And the other side is to reject others, which can also be painful.
You can almost always ensure that you can never make EVERYBODY happy all of the time.
So SELF-LOVE is where you learn to go into your heart and to find what is the best decision for you to take and then to respect that!
Even though our past pain is still influencing us in more ways than we realize… this is okay…
The first step is to learn to connect and breathe into your heart space so you can begin to hear what it is actually saying to you, as the heart is always in constant communication with the brain.
Here is how to get started with a very simple yet powerful Heart-Based Breathing exercise that you should do as often as possible in order to feel centered and continuously remain in your power.
1. Get in a comfortable position. Close your eyes, relax the body and pay attention to ensure you aren’t slouching. Your spine should be straight and comfortable. Then tell your body to relax, starting from the head and working all the way to the toes, in no specific sequence. Do whatever feels good for you… say to yourself… “face relax, eyelids, lips, nose, cheeks, ears relax.” Then allow the relaxation to go inside the body, let the brain waves go slower and feel this entire sense of relaxation permeate the body.
2. Begin to take long, deep, smooth, calming breaths, counting 1-6 as you inhale and then 1-6 as you exhale. Stay with this style of breathing for some time, letting it calm your body and mind. Let it settle into a place where it feels natural. Feel yourself start to relax into the rhythm of your breath.
3. Now begin to focus your attention on the area of the heart. The heart space. Start noticing yourself connect to the feelings of love, compassion, caring, gratitude, and peace. You can think back to a time when you truly felt one of these feelings, or just feel directly into that incredible warm cozy feeling. Continue to breathe into this warmth for a while. Let these positive vibrations fill you and wash over you like a wave.
4. Now that you have calmed yourself, recalibrate your vibration and connected to your heart space you are ready to ask yourself a specific question regarding a situation you are wanting to find clarity on…
… Ask your heart…
“What is the best decision for me right now?”
and see what arises.
If we truly learn to tune in and listen to our heart, it will not guide us the wrong way.
How do you feel now? Keep this exercise in your back pocket and come back to it any time you need to ask your heart: “What is the best decision for me right now?”
For a a bit more further Heart Based Living Inspiration, one of our Heart Healing Revolution Ambassadors has made a courageous leap in following her heart by relocating her family to the island of Bali.
Here is what she had to say about stepping into her power and following her heart:
“I have been learning how to get out of my comfort zone and to be in my own power, which is a lifelong process, and I encourage everyone to do this every day. To find new ways to get out of any way of living that might not feel like yourself.
I learned a lot from Drs. Joy & Roy Martina on how to get more deeply into who I really am, and it’s a great honor for me that they came all this way to speak at the Green School that my children go to now. Without the work that I have been doing with them I might not be here in Bali. It took a lot of courage to cut the old habits of life and really follow my heart. I am very grateful for that.”
Wow, Nicole! We are beaming for you and your family! Your three amazing children that all go to the Green School just exude health and contentment and you are a huge inspiration to what can be accomplished using the power of self-love.
The truth is… to think that anything is holding you back from exponential Self-Love is simply a limiting belief… and we can work with that!
NOW IT’S YOUR TURN:
So… now it’s your turn… to connect to self love from wherever (and however!) you are. It’s the absolute #1 thing you can do for yourself (and others!) today (and everyday!).
The key is to work with the subconscious and unconscious mind to clear out past trauma and outdated beliefs.
Dissolving limiting beliefs and emotional patterns that hold you back from love can be greatly sped up with the help of… Meditation & Brain Training.
Based on my years of learning to self-love and coaching thousands of others to do the same, I’ve put together a very special Self Love Challenge to help you effortlessly tap into Self-Love in a very relaxed, and easy way…
If you join us through these 30 days even just a few times, you’ll be well on your way to Supreme Self-Love. You’ll be blown away by the love you will feel.
>> Click Here To Be Taken Straight To The Self-Love Challenge
Use this challenge to train your brain to stop judging yourself & increase your levels of self-love & inner “yumminess”!
Rediscover YOUR Innate JOY Life In Life:
Okay, I think you can see now how much we really care about you going from feeling yuck to REALLY yummy again!
To your beautiful journey discovering your Greatest Love in Life…
Oceans of Love,
Dr. Joy Martina, PsyD.